Tuesday, 20 March 2012

How to Mend a Broken Heart

Welcome Dear Reader, if you found me by looking for ways on how to mend a broken heart, you came to the right place, i hope i am able to help you to the best of my understanding and knowledge.

first thing i have to tell you, stop hurting, i know you are going to roll your eyes if you are a guy or feel some sensless rage towards me, if you are a girl you might just feel a crying sensation bubbling up from deep inside you, or you may be like me, the emotionally undead, unfeeling everything and anything blindly going though the post searching for a cure but not really caring.

the most important thing you can realize it , you have to stop living on autopilot and start to take command of your life, i know that your lost love was THE ONE, and the SIGNIFICANT OTHER you were hoping to spend the rest of your life with, but since it is now over, be it for any reason, you have to learn to let go.

Remember those golden words

What Doesnt Kill you Only Makes you Stronger, now the ones of you who are worst off will think ok now that's an idea... ANNHHHNNNNHHHH...<<<< ----- This is supposed to be the buzzer sound indicating you are wrong.

Following are the Steps you should take, follow them and they will definately show you how to mend a Broken Heart.

My program is called F.U.C.K, please feel free to take that in both the literal and figurative sense. steps to my F.U.C.K program are.

Forget the past
Understand that you were not ment to be
Know when you have moved on.

Now we are going to talk about the first step on how to mend a broken heart.


in order to forget the past you need to realize you have to be serevely analytical about this. make a list of all the places you went with your partner, avoid them like the plague, same goes for movies that you guys watched together ( only those that had a emotional connection that you strongly relate to ) same goes for songs, and all sad songs in general, everything and anything that you did, had, made, brought, thought needs to go in a tiny box in your mind, lock it all away and throw away the key, for now..... and for all the cynics out there. this will not be a lesson in avoidance, we are going to be coming back to these memories when it's time for closure.

if this causes a problem in your normal life tell your friends you are on a F.U.C.K diet if they have read my article they will understand, if not they will consider you mentally unstable or loose and weird, and not bother with you anymore.


you have to realize that you were not as perfect as you thought you were, for this part of the F.U.C.K Broken Heart Program you have to tell your friends to follow this rule

(ask them to Abuse your EX in front of you till you stop defending them and the breakup and start to agree it was your EX's fault you broke up in the first place ) if you really dont have friends in your life good enough or willing enough to do this for you, i pity your existance and recommend that you go out and buy one of those stupid little tape recorders and think of an imaginary friend who broke up with an imaginary person ( if you are an actor by profession consider this an improv ) and abuse the imaginary friend's ex, and listen to the tape later, if you are too emotionally unstable to actually do this, freelance the job on the many freelance websites available on the internet, i am sure that somewhere out there is an asian or indian guy waiting to bid for a very cheap amount for your project and provide you this service practically free to create a portfolio ( warning crappy accents may disturb the overall effect of the script )
once you realize that you were not ment to be, you are ready to move on to the next step


Remember that little box i told you to lock inside your head, well take it out now and prepare to put together all the hate you can muster in one place, it's time to put the smackdown on that ex of yours.

burn pictures, leftover clothes, pets, favorite CD's or XBOX ( if it's a guy ) , favourite SHoes or Scarves ( if it's a girl ) basically hit em where it hurts and dont get caught doing it, if the pyromania is not your style simply throw every single possession you have of your ex in the nearest dumpster.

if you have done the first few steps correctly this will leave you feeling like you just had a long overdue bowel movement. and make you feel fresh and alive. if you did not do the first 2 steps correctly ( forgot to lock the box, or crappy accent didnt get you mad enough ) it's gonna make you feel like you are sitting on the can trying to pass a whale that just does not want to come out, but instead of feeling that feeling in URANUS you will likely be feeling it in Your Heart...


to horribly disfigure a poem by rudyard kipling

if you can talk about your ex when all about you
are making you feel guilty abour breaking up
if you can talk shit about them when all your friends doubt you
and burning those pictures, gives you a rush

you have moved on and you should thank all the stars
that F.U.C.K was there to grab you by the Arse
and kick you and beat you and make you so sane
that you would be willing to F.U.C.K Again...

this is the gist of it basically, if you have done all the above steps you will no longer be wondering how to mend a broken heart, you will already have healed, or be in the process. i know that the way i offered advice was somewhat different form the was most people do it, i also know that i may sound like an ass, i know that and i have been told that a zillion times, but you need to realize this single most omnipotent and important thing

only you have the power to get out of the hole you have fallen into.. only you have the power to mend that broken heart of yours.

hope i could give you a good swift kick on your bottom and make you realize everything you are missing.

here's to hoping you dont need any more people to tell you how to mend a broken heart.

Sincerely Yours

BrokenHearted Grim..


you know you really are an ass.. but it kind of makes sense what you say... i think letting go is hard.. you really have to you know get mad and stuff.. coz otherwise it's really hard to let go...

I did Burn her stuff after she broke up with me... but she scratched my car... the Bitch....

you are a deeply disturbed individual bro.. seek some help... get anger management... :P

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