Conflicting Emotions - The Storm Within

it's been a while since i have taken to words to explain how i feel inside, my words seem halting, rusty, derelict, the old skill now blunted by lack of use, and consistent abuse, but as always i will soldier on, with a stiff upper lip. i have recently met someone who has started to change me from the inside, and has given me a new reason and an outlook on life that i desperately needed, i Dont know if i can go so far to say that i am in love, having by heart broken twice in the past means i really cant be sure of what my feelings are. i have put in a lot of time in trying to rationalize my feelings but i have always fallen short, i have never been able to put my exact feelings in words. and this time is no different. i feel a sense of lacking inside me, she is so noble and good and pure whereas i am not worthy, i dont feel like i deserve her, my past is so polluted and convoluted, and the distance between us is so great that nothing can ever work out, and whenever i let these thoughts take seed inside me it feels like a great chasm opening up in my heart, i dont know how i could have fallen for someone i have just met, and dont even know anything about. she keeps reminding me the same thing, but it takes me no thoughts at all to look inside my heart and find that i truly am falling for her by degrees and the days go on. i dont know what the future holds, and i dont know where i will end up, all i know is that there are these feelings inside me that just wont quit, that force me to feel the way i do, and i can only hope and pray that she would feel the same way someday.

Posted in: Random Thoughts