Essence of My Being

Silence may claim my soul
yet my heart will burn fierce
vengeance pumping poison
inside my still form.

my thoughts may be muted
and my ID may scorn
but inside i remain, hopeful
the dawning of another day

passions burning passions
their phoenix burning grace
inside me lit ravaging emotions
that even death cant claim

i ramble onward, through a haze
my mind engulfed in ether
the fumes of despair
nether they disperse, i lie

solvent to my depression
insolvent to happiness
that lies beyond reach
unfelt, yet seen, a veil

a slim ray of hope, in vigil
nocturnal often felt, dispersed
the moments that entice, emotions
raw and unfulfilled.

ever onward i crawl, bleeding, thorns
rending bits of my soul, tearing
ripping into me with maniacal cruelty.
yet still i endure, her smiles, they light my way.

the waking mind, blind to all
the mind that sleeps thus speaks
and depth of emotions , fragile hopes
born of life, and love, i weep

the mist it lifts, realization dawns
mind thus freed, my ID rejoice
a lightness of being, unfelt before
a cold breath of air, on burning mind.

burning soul, and burning grim, all still
a moment all makes sense,essence unlocked
the words they flow onward,
dew from a leaf, rain from feather.

still i fear, the poison lies
deep inside my bitter heart
thorns that rend my soul
come abstinence, come make me whole

a meaning lost on worlds, and beings
from me to you this message lies
far from me , such things you say
my heart it turns a blind eye.

with burning passion, in my veins
i burn the world, the beings within
come abstinence learn, the power of will
and how it makes us one.. someday....

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Conflicting Emotions - The Storm Within

it's been a while since i have taken to words to explain how i feel inside, my words seem halting, rusty, derelict, the old skill now blunted by lack of use, and consistent abuse, but as always i will soldier on, with a stiff upper lip. i have recently met someone who has started to change me from the inside, and has given me a new reason and an outlook on life that i desperately needed, i Dont know if i can go so far to say that i am in love, having by heart broken twice in the past means i really cant be sure of what my feelings are. i have put in a lot of time in trying to rationalize my feelings but i have always fallen short, i have never been able to put my exact feelings in words. and this time is no different. i feel a sense of lacking inside me, she is so noble and good and pure whereas i am not worthy, i dont feel like i deserve her, my past is so polluted and convoluted, and the distance between us is so great that nothing can ever work out, and whenever i let these thoughts take seed inside me it feels like a great chasm opening up in my heart, i dont know how i could have fallen for someone i have just met, and dont even know anything about. she keeps reminding me the same thing, but it takes me no thoughts at all to look inside my heart and find that i truly am falling for her by degrees and the days go on. i dont know what the future holds, and i dont know where i will end up, all i know is that there are these feelings inside me that just wont quit, that force me to feel the way i do, and i can only hope and pray that she would feel the same way someday.

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