The Loneliest Christmas Ever

Imagine waking up to the sound of a rasping throat, first thing you notice is breathing hurts like hell, you try to get up and there is no energy in your body to do so, and you keep on lying on your makeshift couch/bed, staring at the false ceiling, hoping beyond hope that this is a dream, but no such luck, this is your life.

see they say everything happens for a reason, but i dont know what the reason was that i was left alone in this world, why i was left alone, to fend for myself, i cant moan about it, because i know i have it better than 80% of the world's people simply because i have a roof over my head, a laptop to type on and a few good friends who keep my company in the good and the bad, and are almost always by my side when things go ugly, but being human and having the ability to feel gives me the license to bitch and moan about everything and anything all the time.

i know what you may be thinking man this guy is cynical as hell, and sarcastic to boot, and an all around bitchy and moany crybaby, but i want you to know, i really am not the person my words depict me to be, the reason i tell it like it is, because i have made it my job to tell people my story, so that the more lucky ones out there have some measure of comparison, and i have my outlet for all the pain in feel in my life, so that i can keep sane.

my words will ring true for the people who feel alone, for the people who feel lost, for the people who have lost loved one's and cannot come to terms with what is going on around them, see, i have been through more than most, my life story would be enough to make people more grateful about there lives, but i wont tell it now, not while it is still in process, i have plans to write out my entire life story one day, but not now, not when i am putting in my blood sweat and tears to make myself a success.

see i wasn't always like this, i had a car a bike, a home and a great job but all that changed one cold day in December 5 years ago. that was the day i lost my father, it's now 5 years to the day, i have clawed back up from the abyss i fell in that day, i'm almost out, i can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but i have bled to much, i dont have the energy to go on anymore.

see what happened was when my father passed away i had a step mother who took everything i had, i never knew she was not the person i thought her to be, she took everything , the house, the car, the bike, and sold everything out from under me, i was fool enough to think that i could trust people, while i lay there wallowing in grief and self pity, i was being thrown from grace.

i was a successful hotshot in the corporate world, working as a franchise manager for warid telecom, developing my own business on the side, when my father passed away fast forward a few years, i was working in a bakery wiping windows and floors for less than $50 a month. i thought that this was how the rest of my life would pass, but a certain someone in my life gave me the guts to push on, and take my life in control. she was the one good thing in my life, and helped me make something of myself, gave me hope when i was at my weakest, pulled my back from the edge of the abyss, but she's not in my life anymore, and things although better than ever, seem the more darker.

it is not 4:27 in the morning and i cant sleep, sore throat hurts like hell when i breathe, there's no water to drink, and every time i cough i wanna rip my throat out. only the steady sound of keystrokes and woodkid ( the one who sang the assasin creed song ) in the empty walls i call my home. wishing you all a MERRY CHRISTMAS !!

Posted in: Random Thoughts,Thoughts